求英语大神帮我看看这段翻译有没有语法错误!老师总说我缺谓语没有主谓宾什么的!必采纳!

求英语大神帮我看看这段翻译有没有语法错误!老师总说我缺谓语没有主谓宾什么的!必采纳!With the high-speed development of information technology and the rapid popularization of Internet technology, more and more traditional enterprises transform to E-commerce, however those companies only saw the advantages of electronic commerce in the operation, while ignoring the cost of electronic commerce, which makes the cost cannot be effectively controlled and it also exposed the shortness in the controlment of cost.

对应的中文如下:
本文首先对选题的研究背景及研究意义进行论述,综合国内外相关的文献研究综述分析的基础上梳理出本文的研究思路和研究方法,接着阐述了电子商务企业以及成本控制的相关理论概述,然后从企业内部成本控制水平、物流、电商的制度体系、信息技术水平和人才五个方面,分析电子商务企业成本控制问题及其背后的原因,在通过具体的分析万农电子商务企业的案例,找出万农电商的问题并给出建议,最后总结出完善电子商务企业成本控制的方法。

以下版本是改正后的,括号中是错误分析,求采纳~
With the high-speed development of information technology and the rapid popularization of Internet technology, more and more traditional enterprises transform to E-commerce.(逗号改为句号,因为是两句话,中间没有连接词) However, (首字母大写,however后面要加逗号) those companies only saw the advantages of electronic commerce in the operation, while ignoring the cost of electronic commerce, which makes the cost not (make 后面不用加 cannot be哦)effectively controlled and also exposes (and连接的前后部分主语都是which,这里不用加it,而且时态要保持一致)the shortness in the controlment of cost.
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