In a troubled dance of closeness and distance, one partner's pattern sets off the other's. One may feel insecure and ask for closeness in a way that makes the other feel trapped. Or one may feel engulfed and ask for space in a way that makes the other feel insecure. Soon they'll be reacting back and forth in extremes, dancing with all the grace of partners hopping on one leg. In this case, one leg stands for "closeness" and the other for "distance." Depending on which leg one partner puts down, the other will hop on their opposite leg.
The card PATTERNS asks you to be alert to the patterns you dance. What are your patterns for expressing feelings, wants, or needs? Do you withhold or overdramatize? What are your patterns when others express their feelings? Do you attempt to avoid certain feelings? Do you try to fix other people's feelings if they're upset? What sets you off? What are you sensitive to? How do you react?
When you notice that you are in a pattern, it's a good time to stop and breathe. Consider whether you truly want to dance out your whole pattern. Don't you already know where it will end up? Wouldn't you prefer to explore a new option? If so, then do not follow your normal steps. Possibly even do the opposite of what you usually do.
For example, consider the dance of closeness and distance. If your pattern is to act out a feeling of insecurity by clinging or demanding closeness, experiment with letting your partner have all the space they want! If you normally feel trapped and dance away, this time stay present and available! In either case, you will be choosing to face the feelings that typically drive your pattern. It takes courage to experience those feelings without reacting. But as you do, you will start to liberate yourself from an old pattern that has run you for years.
By intentionally breaking your habitual patterns, you can move beyond the limits of automatic behavior. You and your partner can develop new options for joy and fulfillment in your relationship - and dance together like true artists.
卡模式要求你提防你舞蹈的模式。你有什么模式表达的感情,想要的,或需要?你隐瞒或过分夸大?你的模式当别人表达他们的感觉是什么?你试图避免某些感情吗?你试着修理别人的感情如果他们沮丧?你设置了什么?你敏感?你会怎么反应?
当你注意到你在一个模式,这是一个很好的时间来停下来呼吸。考虑是否你真的想跳舞你的整个模式。难道你已经知道它会在哪里结束?难道你喜欢探索一个新选项?如果是这样,那么不按照正常的步骤。甚至做相反的你通常做什么。
例如,考虑亲密之舞和距离。如果您的模式表现出一种不安全感,或者要求亲密,尝试让你的伴侣有他们想要的所有的空间!如果你经常感到困和舞蹈,这一次保持现在和可用!在这两种情况下,你会选择去面对感情,通常驱动模式。需要勇气去体验这种感觉,没有反应。但是当你这样做了,你将开始解放你自己来自一个古老的模式,运行多年。
故意打破你的习惯模式,你可以超越极限的自动行为。你和你的伴侣可以开发新选项在你的关系中快乐和成就感,一起跳舞像真正的艺术家。
