自己写了个小短文，错误多多，麻烦大家不忙时候帮忙改改，能指出错误的原因更好或点评下提些建议什么的更好，谢谢
A happy night
After I had supper, I felt a little bit bored. And then I decided I take a walk. I hope I can breathe a lot of fresh air and let my tired eyes have a nice rest.
I leave (I am sorry. Even I forget what is leave past tense…) my house and I was going down the street. The sky was not blue, but night had some soft wind. It made me fell very comfortable when I breathe in some air every time. I went on my walk alone the street.
There are so much people (I am not sure There should be “people” or “person”.) in the street. Although many stores still were opening, most of stores had no a customer, a many of waiter was chatting together outside. But… There are many people in the small restaurant. The restaurant business was very hot. People was drinking and chatting each other. They laugh loudly and crash the cup together. Everyone look liked happily.
I went on my walk alone the street and got the gate of the bank. There are many exercise equipment by the bank such as shuanggnag, dangang, paobuji. But the most interesting machine was a suanpan! It made of iron. A old man was teaching a old woman, playing the suanpan. Haw-haw. I could not but think when I studied suanpan at my age of 8…
Sudden, I listened a song sounds in my front, I got there quickly. Actually a group of young man was crazy songs. I go quickly away immediately. Perhaps you’ll ask why you didn’t listen to music. Ok let me tell you why… Because Look at their red face, I guess they must have drunk a lot… If I stayed at here, I could have great danger…
I went on my walk alone the street…
Continuing…
-- Jeeps
花了1个小时时间。。。写了这么点东西。很多话想说，但是说不出来。。。只能用其它会说的替代，但这样有些就不是我想要表达的了。。意思会有些偏差，前后也可能不是很连贯。。。呵呵。
这次有些词我不知道改怎么写的，我就用拼音代替了。还有几个句子不知道如何写。比如，我想说我继续向前走。。。我就不太会说了。。只知道go on是继续。。想说在我前面是XX地方。。但又不知道如何说了。。呵呵。
其实今天晚上我出去溜达一圈街上还是挺热闹的，后面还有在广场上独唱的，拿毛笔沾上水然后在地上练字的，放风筝的，风筝线上串了一串小灯，闪闪发亮。还有练太极拳的，老年扭秧歌的等等。灯光照在河水上像金色一样。当我路过学校的时候，还有很多学生借助微弱的灯光在操场上打篮球。呵呵。
呵呵，晚上街上还是很热闹的，只是我水平实在次了点，能看见，确写不出来，有些“茶壶里煮饺子”倒不出来的味道。。。
偶可能要歇一，两天了。今儿晚上第一次上夜班，过两天在写了只能。。非常感谢所有人意见，我会多记一些例句。尽量避免生硬的句子。 后悔当初没好好学习英语。。。 从下礼拜老师再开始讲英语，一定200％专心。。呵呵。
特别感谢maryswallow 一直以来的鼎力支持。呵呵。
谢谢大家的解答。衷心的感谢每一个朋友的解答。谢谢
A happy night (也可叫 An Evening Walk)
After supper(美国常用dinner), I didn’t know what to do. I felt I could hardly breathe.
“Why not taking a walk outside?” I asked myself.
So I decided to take a walk.
I left my house and I walked down the street. It was quite
dark now.(说天不蓝,不如说天黑了) Gentle wind tickled my face and it was kind of soothing my tiring eyes.
I felt so comfortable when I took a deep breath of fresh air.
I went on walking along the street.
There were many people in the street. Although many stores
were still opening, there were not many customers inside.
most of stores were nice and quiet .
Only a few shop assistants were chatting outside.
(But… 最好不要这个字)There were many people in the small restaurants.
Laughing, chatting, clinking glasses(碰杯声) ,everyone looked so happy. (这里能加些你的想法就很好了.如: It made me feel good to see people having a good time.)
I kept on walking along the street . Then I came to the gate of a bank. There are many exercise equipment by(in front of ?在前面还是在旁边?) the bank such as parallel bars双杠, a horizontal bar单杠 and a treadmill跑步机. To me the most interesting machine was an abacus which was made of iron. An old man was teaching an old woman to play the abacus. Ha-ha, this reminded me of the days when I learned to use the abacus at the age of 8.
Then, I heard the singing of a strange song. Not far from me a group of young men were singing a crazy song which sounded scary. I went quickly away. Perhaps you’ll ask why you didn’t listen to their song. Ok let me tell you why… By Looking at their red faces, I could see that they must have drinking a lot… If I stayed there, I might be in great danger… (这一段可以不要,因为它让你的故事不美)
I went on walking down the street… It was quite fun when I came to the plaza where I saw people doing all kinds of stuff. One man was dipping his giant brush in the water and practiced his Chinese calligraphy on the ground. Another one was singing out loud. I really enjoyed seeing those little twinkling lights attached to the tails of the kites in the sky. Some people were doing Taiqi and others were doing yange dance. Lights were shimmering on the river……
I took a deep breath again and said to myself,” what a beautiful night!”
我知道你想写很多.但写故事,写文章不能什么都写.捡些主要的来写就好了.我帮你写了个结尾.这样头尾呼应,也符合你的题目. 看得出,你这次的故事内容多了好多. 很好.下次写看到什么景色,什么情景,可以结合自己的人身经历,写点感想.你提了一点关于八岁学算盘的事. 很好的.有时候一阵风, 几个雨滴, 一种气息,一个场景都能让人想得很远很远……
Keep up the good job!
I felt a little bit bored after I had supper, so I decided to take a walk. I wanted to breathe some fresh air and put my eyes into a good rest.
I left my house went down the street. The sky was not blue anymore, but there were some soft wind blow over my face. Every breath I took made me feels very comfortable. I walked along the street.
There were so much people on the street. Although many stores were still opening, most of them had no customers. Shop assistants were gathered together and chat outside. However, There were many people in the small restaurants. The restaurant business was very hot. (这句其实可有可无) People were drinking and chatting each other. They laughed loudly and clicked the cup together. Joys were shown in everywhere.
I kept walk along the street and got to the front of a bank.(银行？还是健身房？Sport center) There are many exercise equipment in the bank such as parallel bars, pull-up bars, paobuji.(不知道这什么) But the most machine that interested me the most was a suanpan!(也不知道这什么,算盘么？abacus) It is made of iron. An old man was teaching a old woman how suanpan works. Haw-haw. I remembered when I studied suanpan at my age of 8.
Suddenly, I heard someone sing song in my front. I followed to where the sounds come from. A group of young man was playing crazy music. I went away quickly. If you’ll ask why you didn’t listen to music, [Ok let me tell you why…(删了吧？)]
By the look in their red face, I guessed they must have drunk a lot. If I stayed at here, I would probably be in great danger…
I kept on my walk along the street…
楼主用词相当生硬厄，有点看不懂……
能看见很多中译英的句子~~~
还有本人改出来部分句子，仅供参考：
And then I decided TO take a walk (用“decided to do ”)
I LEFT my house
It made me FEEL very comfortable
ALONG the street(ALONG 沿着 ALONE 独自地)
so MANY people (可数名词，复数名词)
Although many stores WERE STILL opening
most of THE stores had no customer (不用加 a)
a many of waiter（不知道有没有这种用法，本人感觉用a LOT of waiterS WERE）
People WERE drinking and chatting WITH each other
Everyone LOOKED happily.
I went on my walk ALONG the street
It WAS made of iron.
AN old man was teaching AN old woman
I HEARD a song soundED in front OF ME,(HEARD 强调听到，listen强调听的动作)
Actually a group of young MEN（复数） was crazy songs（是不是SINGING CRAZILY）
I WENT away immediately ( quickly 和 immediately重复)
If I stayed here （不用AT）
I could have great danger… (表达不地道I MAY BE IN DANGER)
ALONG
其他的地方不太会改了，楼主大概时初学者，能写出这么长的记录已经很不错了，建议向老师请教一下，总体还是不错拉，不过一些细节要注意，还有就是整体上感觉比较不地道，估计语感形成以后就会好了，要加油哦！！希望对你有点帮助。
After I had supper, I felt a little bit bored（“little、 bit二选其一”）. And then I decided I take a walk（decided TO take a walk）. I hope I can breathe a lot of（最好用SOME） fresh air and let my tired eyes have a nice rest（GOOD！）.
I leave{left} (I am sorry. Even I forget {Because I've forget that}what is leave past tense…) my house and I was going down the street(你啥时牵出一匹马来的？？). The sky was not blue, but night had some soft wind. It made me fell very comfortable when I breathe in some air （IN）every time. I went on my walk（WALKING） alone the street.
There are so much people (I am not sure There should be “people” or “person”{“person”用SO MANY}.) in the street. Although many stores still were（WAS STILL） opening, most of stores had no a customer, a many of waiter was （MANY WAITERS WERE）chatting together outside. But… There are（WERE） many people in the small restaurant. The restaurant business （The business of the restaurant ）was very hot. People was drinking and chatting （TO）each other. They laugh （laughed）loudly and crash（crashed） the cup together. Everyone look liked happily.
I went on my walk（to walk） alone the street and got （）the gate of the bank. There are many exercise equipment by the bank such as shuanggnag, dangang, paobuji. But the most interesting machine was a suanpan! It made of iron. A old man was teaching a old woman, playing the suanpan. Haw-haw. I could not but think when I studied suanpan at my age of 8… （珠算！？跑步机！？）
Sudden, I listened a song sounds in my front, I got there quickly. Actually a group of young man was crazy songs. I go quickly away immediately. Perhaps you’ll ask （me that）why you didn’t listen to music. Ok let me tell you why… Because Look at their red face, I guess they must have drunk a lot… If I stayed at here, I could have great danger… （怕受醉妇骚扰！？！？）
I went on my walk alone the street…
Continuing…
-- Jeeps
（拜托，我改不动了）
After supper, I felt a little bored. So I decided to promenade outdoor. I expected to breathe the fresh air, and comfort my tired eyes.
I was out of my house, walking on the street. The sky was gray, but the soft wind made me so comfortable. I walked alone on the street. Always i took a deep breathe for the fresh air.
There were too many people on the street. Many shops were still opening, with little customers. some countergirls were chatting together. There were many people eating in the restaurants. The business was quite good. In the restaurants the diners were drinking and chatting each other. They laugh loudly and cheers!
I was rambleing on the street. I was coming to a plaza in front of a bank. There were many sports equipments there.such as parallel bars, horizontal bar, backkom. But the most interesting equipment was the abaci! they were made of iron. A old man was teaching a old woman how to play the abaci. Haw-haw. I lot myself on my childhood, I remembered that I studied the abaci at my age of 8.
Suddenly, I came back by the songs. there were a group of young men singing in the front. the songs were so rock'n'roll, i didn't like it! So i left away them quickly! they were drunk with red faces! If I still stayed here, I thought maybe i should have some troubles.
I was walking alone on the street……
