http://hi.baidu.com/lucdudxqvfgijnr/item/d1ae7b7b9460aa19d7a89c63
It is pretty amazing to see this first-hand article, and as long as you are moving on and striving for improvements, you have a big chance to get the full mark.Now i am going to make a concise analysis of your essay, in two parts; your strength, and your weakness.
First, your have a clear idea zbout how to structure your paragraphs and how to dispense your examples properly. The good thing is that your logic is pretty well-demonstrated so readers will have no problems understand your points, and that is what most of the amateurs fail to do. Second, you wisely shy away from bullshit or any evidence of nonsense. That is great and it shows your mastery of common English comunication. Keep it simple and cool, that will help you a lot.
However, there are some places for improvement. Although these lapses are rather minor considering your limited expericence, they are not without fatal outcomes that might severely cripple your flunecy, even your opportunity to get the full mark. In the first place, your first and second standpoint are of the same aspect, i.e.,sports can benefit students' health. Don't overlap your supporting paragraphs. If you find out that your have more to say about a certain perspective, finish your words in a single paragraph; do not extend them to your other parts of the article. Additionally, some grammar mistakes are quite disturbing that i have no idea what they are supposed to be. Cut out the simple errors of your essay would be wise. Lastly, your essay is too short and your conclusion does not function very well because of a lack of carefull arrangment. Even if you are in a hurry to finish your exams, make sure your points are well illustrated and will not induce further questions from your readers. If you don't mind, try to use different sentence structures and more details. These tips will make your essay looks prettier to the eye and smarter to the mind.
First, your have a clear idea zbout how to structure your paragraphs and how to dispense your examples properly. The good thing is that your logic is pretty well-demonstrated so readers will have no problems understand your points, and that is what most of the amateurs fail to do. Second, you wisely shy away from bullshit or any evidence of nonsense. That is great and it shows your mastery of common English comunication. Keep it simple and cool, that will help you a lot.
However, there are some places for improvement. Although these lapses are rather minor considering your limited expericence, they are not without fatal outcomes that might severely cripple your flunecy, even your opportunity to get the full mark. In the first place, your first and second standpoint are of the same aspect, i.e.,sports can benefit students' health. Don't overlap your supporting paragraphs. If you find out that your have more to say about a certain perspective, finish your words in a single paragraph; do not extend them to your other parts of the article. Additionally, some grammar mistakes are quite disturbing that i have no idea what they are supposed to be. Cut out the simple errors of your essay would be wise. Lastly, your essay is too short and your conclusion does not function very well because of a lack of carefull arrangment. Even if you are in a hurry to finish your exams, make sure your points are well illustrated and will not induce further questions from your readers. If you don't mind, try to use different sentence structures and more details. These tips will make your essay looks prettier to the eye and smarter to the mind.
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